Don Quixote Confronts Dom Quiriquo: A Recently Discovered Scene

A lost scene from Don Quixote recently discovered in an early folio of the Spanish novel, found in the Ex-Yugoslav Archives for Hispanic Studies, newly translated by the author.

Special thanks to Dr. Prof. Galdino Borachkovich for publishing permission

Escena de Inquisición (1812–1819) by Francisco José de Goya y Lucientes

But the whole way to Barcelona, Sancho Panza was full of nervous farts. And he prayed his master’s folly would not incur the wrath of the Holy Brotherhood (Inquisition) whose secret network ran prodigiously throughout all Iberia (or so he heard).

“They have their eyes and ears everywhere, sir,” whispered Sancho to Don Quixote as they rode.

“And do they have noses? Good lord, Sancho! Quit eating so much garlic — it’s fuming out of both ends! And what’s more, you man of little courage — no one would so much as touch the hair on the beard of the good kni — ”

But before Don Quixote could swing into one of his tedious lectures, Sancho broke in —

“Look, sir! Oh, we are certainly doomed!” As if out of nowhere a horse-mounted figure emerged from the brush along the road.

“Master, you see? there is a heavy gold cross that gleams from this man’s neck! He must be a member of the Holy Brotherhood! And the devil take us if he hasn’t now discovered us caught unawares! He has come to redress your wrong attacking innocent monks from one of your mad fits! Oh, we’re done for!”

“Enough, Sancho! Hardly could a peasant as yourself speak without causing the listener to pause, making heads or tales of your bluster!” And with that, Don Quixote tapped his pate with his lance, enough to cause Panza to squeal in pain and leave a strawberry-sized lump on his greasy head.

Suddenly, with unnatural swiftness, the figure, who proved to be a monk, approached them on the road.

“What ho! Sir knight errant! Could it be? Do I see before my sober eyes the illustrious Don Quixote de la Mancha?” said Dom Quiriquo, clothed in a heavy white cassock, mounted on a noble white steed.

“I am no less than he! Don Quixote de la Mancha! Address yourself or prepare to battle to the death!” said the Knight of the Sorry Face.

“Very well,” said Quiriquo. “You should know that I am a Portuguese agent of the Inquisition (he spoke perfect Castillian) and that I am here to redress your blasphemous attack on our holy brothers. There will be no need for violence — I will take you as you are, for I know you to be a true Christian knight.”

“Liar! You have been sent by the enchanters! Do not insult my cunning brain,” exclaimed the knight. “I need no further introduction from you. Now prepare to do battle!”

“No, sir! O, woe is me! Here goes my master again! Stop, Quixote, sir! Stop! — can’t you see he is a monk?”

Quiriquo feared for his mortal life as Don Quixote charged at him, lance in hand. All that cowardly Sancho could do was close his eyes as he hid in the brush, hearing the monk’s wild screams.

[From here the manuscript is badly damaged and unreadable]

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Allen Bauman

Raconteur and essayist with a funny bone. Educator by profession.