Libra Us From Evil: Facebook’s New Crypto Due to Pope Francis’ Progressivism

Of Blockchain and Social Media

Facebook ushering in its own brand of cryptocurrency, Libra, is due to Pope Francis’ decision to reform the Catholic Church into allowing Amazonian priests marriage. Hark ye well, for this is the Zeitgeist of our digital times.

Facebook is one of the most pervasive, rapidly developing social media networks on the Internet. It is to the Digital Era what the Catholic Church was to Europe following the collapse of the Roman Empire. At this stage in the comedy known as mankind, Facebook boasts more than 1 billion users. Facebook is a juggernaut of cultural, economic, and more evident recently, socio-political leverage. As such, its iron — or dare we say, digital fist — indelibly influences the world both online and offline. According to the Wall Street Journal, Facebook’s $100 billion initial public offerings can only testify to its global economic might. On Facebook, the digitally addicted commune as one body, with many parts.

Facebook set to dish out Libra, its own crypto, 2020

The Catholic Church, on the other hand, is one of the most ancient, continuously running institutions on the planet earth. As a religion and institution, the Catholic Church claims about 1.3 billion adherents worldwide. To wit, billions of the faithful are not merely using Facebook to like a meme of starry-eyed St. Francis among sundry critters, or politely respond back to criticisms about its clergy — no, Catholics use Facebook like any of us of secular folk: to like Beyonce’s recent posts; to privately group chat, When’s the next potluck dinner? Will there be any Gypsy King numbers? and so on.

But just because it is not the Middle Ages — and just because the world has since moved away from the cultural, technological, and intellectual developments the Catholic Church fomented in Medieval Europe — does not mean that the Church ceases to influence the world, offline or otherwise.

Abite nummi, ego vos mergam, ne mergar a vobis!

Taking a nod from the progressivism of Pope “Trailblazin’ Maximus” Francis’ decision to allow marriage among a clergy keepin’ it continent since the 11th century, Mark Zuckerberg has read the signs well. It is time to exert an influence on global markets, time to decentralize banks through one of the world’s most addicting social media platforms. Actually, Facebook’s crypto, named Libra, is a thinly veiled allusion to ecclesiastical nomenclature.“Libra” means “balance” in Latin. Or is it Italian or Spanish? That does not matter. The point being, Facebook brings balance to the world’s intricately interlinked economies, just like the Catholic Church brought balance to uncivilized, illiterate, and otherwise heathen Europe, who, left to their own aimlessness, would not have achieved a blue-eyed Jesus in her artwork.

What Jesus REALLY looked like

At any rate, Facebook’s inauguration of Libra crypto will usher in a new social media without end, and deliver us from the evils of centralized, and Rothschild-backed banking. Facebook’s crypto is a landmark decision made from a powerful entity who sees in herself a reflection of the Catholic Church’s economic and political power against Europe’s slog during the Dark Ages. The Catholic Church brought us universities, great art, promoted science, preserved pagan philosophy, and brought us blue-eyed Jesus.

Similarly, Facebook brings us an insatiable itch to pop the cherry on our alerts — without which, we would resort to breaching the social contract, and kill each other.

As for Libra, Amazonian married priests will appreciate that Facebook crypto will allow them to perform anonymous transactions online. This will in turn deliver priests from the taint of all worldly corruption. And by worldly corruption, we mean contributing to worldly institutions (like Macy’s or The New York Times).

Amen, amen: for it, it is written that —

“Money is the root of all evil” (1 Timothy 6:10).

Getting ready for First Communion in Church attire



Raconteur and essayist with a funny bone. Educator by profession.

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Allen Bauman

Raconteur and essayist with a funny bone. Educator by profession.