Xmas party texts 🎅

File: Forensic_Evidence_HPD-TX181229.pdf

Classification: H

Status: Evidence pending (12/28/18)


The following are text messages copied and pasted and not an official AT&T record. Included are additional SMS texts presented for circumstantial evidence.

Please do not share, as this has not been cleared for publication and/or press release, in digital, print, or through other mediums. If you feel that the following transcription was received in error, then disregard and refrain from sharing, as such, these contents may contain sensitive information of a legal, criminal, or highly sensitive nature, punishable by Harris County Law and the State of Texas Criminal Code § 11.01-198919.



RICH [12:29 AM]:

I decided to get a cab out. It is only the responsible thing to do. You will note how I take the care to call a 🚕 as carefully as I put a f$!@ing comma (,) everywhere, even in text messages. Even during a work party!

RICH [12:29 AM]:

Kinda stressed my man — I will admit that I don’t know where my head is completely at. The attention to detail here has been to the Nth degree… So I *forgot* my present... Not gonna lie. This place is so goddamned myopic! Little drunk 🍺 🍷 but can’t lose sight of my professional reputation here at Wide Open Drilling. Even during a party where most of us are rather…

Shot man. The time!— fuck that should have been “shit”, damn autocorrect. Yeah so I may be a little indisposed, you could say.

Well, gotta blast. Just got to go back home quick for 🎁.

BILL [12:31 AM]:

Are you insane? The party is almost over bro! Give it up and deal with it Mon.

RICH [12:32 AM]:

Maybe? Haha! Yeah, it may be about over, but I am about to save face and get what I forgot as long as my Secret Santa (V) is here.

BILL [12:33 AM]:

You dumbass. Everyone knows you and V are the only ones who didn’t exchange presents today.

RICH [12:33 AM]:

Do you even deductive reason bro :P??

BILL [12:34 AM]:

Haha you are an ass. What the hell is wrong with you two btw?

RICH [12:34 AM]:

No time. Like I said above I TRULY forgot man. Not feeling myself. Don’t know what her story is.

BILL [12:35 AM]:

Sure sure… did you two 👉👌?

RICH [12:35 AM]:

What? Seriously? I am a man of principle, not amoral. Cab is here. Gotta go 😀

BILL [12:36 AM]:

Fine but we gotta talk. Heard the boss drunk and talking about your screwup. Didn’t sound too good. V pointed out you missed an “i” on the last bid tender document to her. Huge issue, because that tells our contractor the doc is incoming but your ass should know that. Hurry back up before everyone passes out. V could leave at any moment.

RICH [12:37 AM]:

Copy that.

BILL [12:38 AM]:

…really hope you don’t get canned.

RICH [12:39 AM]:

Hope so too... Really tearing me up that I forgot the “i” on the last bid.

RICH [12:59 AM]:


VAL [1:03 AM]:


RICH [1:04 AM]:

You still at the party V?

VAL [1:05 AM]:

Fuck you

RICH [1:05 AM]:

Hey, look I am sorry. But it is nothing personal. I truly forgot your Secret Santa.

VAL [1:07 AM]:

… just like you forgot the “i” this week LOL

RICH [1:08 AM]:

Where are you? I cannot find you! 😵

VAL [1:08 AM]:

Just give it up Rich. I’m outside.

VAL [1:09 AM]:


RICH [1:10 AM]:

Whoah! Typo!

VAL [1:11 AM]:

Yeah, go to hell. I’m really drunk.

RICH [1:12 AM]:

At least I made you laugh 😉

VAL [1:13 AM]:

I’m spending so much time texting you my husband is looking at me weird. Seriously, can this wait for Monday?

RICH [1:13 AM]:

Hey, I see you! Look, just sneak away. Don’t tell him. I just want to give you a gift.

VAL [1:13 AM]:

Hmmm. I don’t know….

RICH [1:14 AM]:

Come on! I took a cab back to my apt and you know we are all f’d up here.

VAL [1:15 AM]:


RICH [1:16 AM]:

I feel bad. Let me just make it up to you. Know you’re leaving soon for Tennessee and all for the promotion (congrats 18282883 times!)… But I really want to give you a going-away present all the same 😬

VAL [1:16 AM]:


BILL [1:30 AM]:

Hey saw you two disappear. What’d you get her?

RICH [1:31 AM]:


BILL [1:32 AM]:

For hunting? Does she hunt?

RICH [1:33 AM]:

Well… she is ruthless, no? A future CEO I think… haha

BILL [1:34 AM]:


RICH [1:36 AM]:

Yeah it's pretty sharp.

BILL [1:37 AM]:

Not talking about that… But gotta admit it looks pretty good for carving. Seems pricey. Well done.

RICH [1:38 AM]:

Yeah well just wanted to leave a lasting impression and hopefully cut through any hard feelings.

BILL [1:38 AM]:

I hear ya.

RICH [1:39 AM]:


BILL [1:50 AM]:

Dude. Seriously. Where are you two at? Let me guess… lol. And wtf! there are loud sirens blasting.

RICH [1:51 AM]:

HAHA. Here we go again. Not much longer. We’re cutting to the chase at this point. Yeah, sirens 😰

BILL [1:52 AM]:

Whatever. What, are you apologizing for over ten minutes? Where’s your dignity?

RICH [1:53 AM]:

I don’t believe in apologies, brother. *In life we cannot self-edit*. Even if what we say sometimes cuts too deep.

BILL [1:54 AM]:

Ok… doing that whole literary bullshit thing again… what did you say to her? She seriously was digging into you deep for your performance this week. Glad you weren’t there man. Tried to get your back.

RICH [1:54 AM]:

I told her that I will let her carve the letter I missed this week… ANYWHERE.

RICH [1:55 AM]:

..but she could go first. And then I would carve the last typo she made in the same place she chose.

BILL [1:55 AM]:

What? Where?

RICH [1:56 AM]:

😈 Take a wild guess.

BILL [1:57 AM]:


RICH [1:58 AM]:

…tonight she missed the letter “O”. Big ol’ capital O. 😅



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Allen Bauman

Allen Bauman

Raconteur and essayist with a funny bone. Educator by profession.